PRIORITIES.

I felt like I should start blogging again because I have a lot of thoughts and I need to put them somewhere...So why not on the internet for everyone to see (But lets be real, nobody looks at blogs anymore so its fine)..

Recently I have been thinking a lot about priorities. I'm gonna be so straight up with you for a sec and say, a couple months ago I did not have my priorites straight at all. Don't get me wrong, I loved my family, I loved the gospel and I loved all of those things that are super important blah blah blah but those werent the things that mattered most to me. I was that girl that had to go to every party big or small. I had to be going on all the big trips and I had to always be making a lot of friends.. I had to be talking to the cutest guy in the room and I had to be going on lots of fun dates. I had to show off my new car so everyone could see how awesome I was and I had to post on social media everytime I did anything cool at all. That was me! I wasn't a bad person and none of those things are bad BUT they were way too important to me.

My Dad got diagnosed with cancer almost a year ago but right before that he asked me to go on a trip with him to San Diego for the weekend. I remembered that there was a lot of fun social events going on that weekend that I didn't want to miss. I told my Dad that I was busy and we never went on that trip. Now I wish I would have. I thought it seemed super lame to give up all the fun social things going on just to go and hang out with my old man (even though he is actually really cool). 

My Dad lived alone so as the Cancer got worse I had to start giving up more and more things that were "so important to me"! I loved being able to help my Dad but I remember getting really sad and just wanting my normal life back. I missed having my free time.

I remember one day specifically. It was a Saturday. I woke up so mad at the world. I was so mad that my Dad had to go through this. I was so mad that I had to go through this. I was mad that I was tired all the time. I was mad that everyone else around me seemed to be having the time of their lives. I was just mad. That day my Dad wanted to stop at Best Buy for something. I had to pull up to the front of the store and help him out of the car and into a wheelchair. I was still just so mad. I wanted my Dad to be able to walk and talk like he used to. As I was pushing him in this wheel chair, I started thinking about how negative I was being. I thought to myself, "This trial isn't going anywhere! I have two choices. I can choose to be negative and gain nothing from this experience or I can stay positive and look for the lessons and blessings I could gain from this experience." After having this thought, my mood immediately changed. I grabbed the wheel chair and started running through the store, pretending to almost hit any object I saw(I think I was trying to be funny??) I glanced down at my Dad and he was silently laughing to himself. He looked SO happy! When we got into the car he wrote, "I love hanging out with you!" on his white board. My eyes filled with tears. That's when it all changed for me.

Those materialistic things weren't important to me anymore. Occasionally staying home on a Friday night to take care of my Dad was okay because those parties werent all that important. Making a lot of surface level friends wasn't important. Having the cutest clothes wasn't important. Posting funny snapchats stories wasn't important. I realized that family is important. The gospel is important. Close friendships are important. My relationship with God is important. Attending the temple is important. Serving others is important. Striving to be more like my Savior is important.

I'm not telling you to give up your social life or to delete your social media (Because those things are great) but make time for the people and things that matter most. Some days are gonna be hard. Some days you are gonna wanna quit but if you are focusing your efforts on what matters most, I promise you will find joy even through the hardest of times!   

This experience is changing me. I love that the gospel can do that to you. I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned and continue to learn.